A Mother’s Love Is Forever

A story for my son, the true joy of my heart

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Dear Matthew,

Because of you, I have been blessed with the greatest gift of all – to be your mother.

I’m so proud of you, and the man you’ve become. You’re exactly how I envisioned you’d be: tall, handsome, funny, and talented. I had no idea you’d be into cars like you are, but it’s no surprise. As a kid you always enjoyed mastering a complicated transformer or fixing things.

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Society makes people feel like we shouldn’t talk about previous relationships, but I’m going to break that rule. Everyone has a past. If a person’s wed before (regardless of divorcing), he/she obviously loved their spouse once upon a time.

I think it’s sentimental for kids to know how their life’s story began.

I graduated from high school in May 1992. On July 4th, I returned home from a Future Business Leaders of America (FBLA) Shorthand II US-wide competition held in Chicago, IL. My parents convinced me to join them at an Independence Day celebration in Hollywood. I noticed your dad and his youngest brother, Brian, hanging out at the party and thought they were cute. So I asked my step-father if I could ‘hold a beer’ so I’d look older. I didn’t plan on drinking the beer (I hate beer), but I wanted to ‘appear’ mature.   Reluctantly my step-father said okay. I walked to the cooler and grabbed an ice cold can of Bud Light. I paraded around holding my beer, talking to family, trying to act wise beyond my years. It seemed to be working.

About an hour into the event, I sat on the porch steps petting the owner’s dog. Your dad came over and started petting the dog with me and began a light conversation. As he went to sit down next to me he politely moved my beer to the lowest step. “WOW, your beer is REALLY WARM, and it’s full. What’s up with that,” he said. Uhhhh…I felt so stupid. The gig was up and I was busted. I played it off saying I didn’t prefer that kind of beer… as if I was a beer-drinking professional. I also neglected to mention I wouldn’t be 18 years old for another month, knowing your dad looked to be at least in his early-20’s.

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He ended up introducing me to his yorkie, Maxwell. He was the cutest little guy ever. After dating for a few months your dad told me he used to screen all of his dates on how they treated his little dog. Hilarious.  I passed!

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In April 1994, I found out I was pregnant with you. I kept the secret to myself for a few days.  I had a miscarriage before you and I was afraid I might lose you too.  When I told your dad he was overjoyed and we couldn’t wait to meet you!

During the first sonogram my heart burst with so much emotion! There you were, my little peanut. The technician zoomed in and I could clearly see your tiny hands and feet wiggling around. Your dad just stood there in ‘awe.’ It was the neatest thing I had ever seen. Then we got to hear your heartbeat for the very first time. Your heart sounded vibrant and strong.

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May 18, 1994: My first sonogram of you.

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My intuition immediately told me I was having a boy, and then I realized something… If I had a boy, he’d be the first child in that generation on your dad’s side to carry on the family name.

Four and a half months into the pregnancy, I felt you kick for the first time. It was incredible! After that you kicked me nonstop until the day you were born. Then it was like, “Ok, dude, you can chill out now.” I had conversations with you all the time. I wanted you to know how much I loved you even before you were born.

During the second sonogram you were a total circus act. You put on a show for the entire staff. You flipped around, kicked, and moved your head and neck around as if you had just drunk a Red Bull. Your dad and I laughed nonstop. Technology wasn’t that great back then, so the doctors couldn’t tell me the gender of the baby. But in my heart I still knew I was having a boy.

Whatever I ate or drank, you reacted accordingly. One time your dad made tacos for dinner. He was on the phone with his mom while I was eating when we observed you doing somersaults. Your dad burst out laughing as he told his mom, “WOW! The baby’s moving around like an alien creature right now!” I used to sit my plate of food on top of my belly as if it were a little shelf.

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YOU STARVED ME TO DEATH! Every day felt as if I hadn’t eaten for a month. I had a schedule: peanut butter and jelly sandwich at 10 a.m., followed by a Food Lion meal of fried chicken, macaroni and cheese, and green beans at noon. You had me eating myself into a food coma. No joke.

At six months pregnant, many people thought I was already due because I was HUGE… and I waddled.

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Fashion for pregnant women of the 90’s was horrendous as you can see.  Everything was drapey, too colorful, and ugly.  This is a picture of me at my baby shower. I rocked my ‘Baby Love’ shirt.  Don’t you agree?

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When I was seven months pregnant, Maxwell was diagnosed with terminal cancer and we had to put him to sleep. It broke my heart, and it was the first time I ever saw your dad cry. The family was afraid I’d go into premature labor.  Your dad and I just couldn’t handle it so Mommom and Poppop stepped in. Mommom held Max in her arms at the animal hospital until the very end. She has always been a kind, loving and nurturing soul as you know.  Thank God for her.

I wanted to name you Brett. Your dad refused, saying he’d never name his child after something that sounded like a hair-clip. Haha. One night Nana was reading biblical names out loud to us to see if we liked any of them. We liked plenty but none of them felt ‘perfect’ until she said, “How about Matthew?” We looked at each other and in that moment your name had been chosen. Your name means “Gift from God.”  We said we’d never nickname you “Matt.”  Ummm…. I’m not sure what happened with that. LOL!

I remember the day you were born as if it were yesterday. It was dinnertime, around 7 p.m., and I had just sat down on the couch to eat a cheeseburger and fries. Halfway through the meal you let me know you had enough. You were running out of ‘womb’… LMAO. I looked at your dad and said, “It’s time!” At 20 years old, I was absolutely petrified. TWELVE HOURS later, you made your entrance as you pissed on everyone in the labor room, literally. Doctors and nurses were too busy ducking, trying to dodge the urine stream flying across the room to answer my cry of, “IS IT A BOY or GIRL?!” It was hilarious and your dad was cracking up!  I had no idea what was going on at the time. But then the humor paused. Your dad came to my bedside holding you in his arms and said, “Missy, {pause}… it’s a boy,” as a tear rolled down his cheek. I began to cry too because I felt so blessed to have you.

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A few weeks after we took you home

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Your Godmother, Aunt Laura, babysat you for the first nine months of your life, and she was wonderful. Your dad drove you to daycare, and I picked you up.  Aunt Laura’s house was 30 minutes one way, but she was worth it.  You loved spending time with her and her family on the farm.

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You’ve been blessed to have a big extended family that adores you, especially your grandparents. You are loved by many!

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Your dad and I took you to Virginia Beach when you were two years old to see the Atlantic ocean for the first time.

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You were a little junk collector. I’d take you into Walmart and you’d come out with a small handful of nuts, bolts, paper clips, and any other trinkets you found on the floor. You made little robots or gadgets out of the mess.

Not all moments of motherhood are beautiful, and there were several times I panicked when a crisis occurred. However, the scariest time as a mother had been when you were two years old. It was a Saturday and your dad was working at a construction site that day. We were invited to a pool party down the street at Bill and Madeline’s house. We arrived then walked to the poolside and stood there waving to everyone. For a second I let go of your hand. Within a flash I looked down to my right and suddenly you were gone. It’s a paranoid feeling that only a parent can understand. My heart pounded out of my chest as if I could hear it beating inside my head. No one was swimming yet so the water’s surface looked clear. I frantically glanced around and that’s when I noticed a small figure at the bottom of the 8 ft. pool. My heart sunk and there was no time to think! I jumped in feet first with full force. As soon as my feet hit the bottom of the pool’s floor, I wrapped both of my hands tightly around your waist then firmly sprung up to the surface. By that time everyone knew what was going on. Someone grabbed you out of the water. A million thoughts ran through my mind within a few seconds. “Is he going to die?!” “Will he be brain dead if he does survive?” I can’t even remember who did CPR, or anyone who surrounded me. It was like I had tunnel vision. It didn’t feel real. After you coughed up all the water, you cried in my arms. I sobbed uncontrollably. We went back home and I called your dad.  Mentally, I was a mess and I watched you like a hawk to ensure you didn’t fall asleep anytime soon. If you had left my life that day my world would have been shattered.

Okay, back to happy thoughts…. You were never a picky eater, and your favorite meal was fried hot dogs and eggs, and burgers/fries from McDonald’s. You were infatuated with happy meal toys and Nana made sure you owned a toy box filled with them.  She took you out to eat all the time and you adored her.  Every Saturday, Nana and I took you to yard sales.  We found great toys, and of course we always ate lunch out.

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Mommom and Poppop A. always showed you a good time.  Mommom cooked for you, and took you on mini adventures — like the pumpkin patch in the fall to pick out your favorite pumpkin.  Poppop used to push you in the swing in their backyard.  You loved, and still love, the country life and spending time with them.

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Prep N Play Preschool was your happy place. Your best friend was Jeremy, and you two were always together – like peas and carrots.  That’s my old Ford Taurus… Yuck.

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You weren’t athletic by choice. You showed zero interest when your dad signed you up for little league baseball. I watched and chuckled as you sat on the ground in the outfield playing with the grass. You didn’t care about catching the ball whatsoever.

When you were three years old your dad and I separated. Although we didn’t work out, YOU will always be the greatest treasure between us. Your dad was my first adult relationship, and we were together for seven years. He taught me a lot about life, and for that I am incredibly thankful. Your dad, Bitsy (step-mom), and I successfully co-parented throughout your school years, I’m proud to say.

After Prep N Play, we moved you to Ms. Debbie’s daycare. She was like a second mom to you. You loved going to her house and she treated you like gold.  Also, her cooking was phenomenal.  You loved her fried chicken and sweet treats.

As an elementary child you loved The Land Before Time. You used to call leaves ‘tree stars’ because of this movie (below).  You’d say to me, “Mommy, look!  It’s a bunch of tree stars!”  So adorable.  Here is that scene:

We both loved The Lion King. The video below was our favorite scene.  We impersonated these crazy creatures over and over again, and then we’d laugh hysterically at each other.  HAHA

Your favorite movie of all time was Toy Story. You loved Buzz Lightyear and Woody. You owned every Toy Story figurine, even the green aliens in the claw machine.

You have always had a pure, kind heart. As a child you used to bring over your neighborhood friends whose families struggled with poverty. You whispered in my ear, “Mommy, my friends said they haven’t eaten yet today and they’re thirsty.” We fed them. Your kindheartedness almost led us to feeding an entire village. LOL. We did the best we could.

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As you grew older, I saw a ‘mini-me’ emerging. It made me smile.  You’re so much like me in your computer/corky/funny ways.  I see my own blue eyes when I look at yours. But you look a lot like your dad too. Mommom always said, “There’s no question that’s David’s boy!” …. then she’d laugh.

You and I blasted songs in the car and screamed out the lyrics together.

“ALL STAR” by Smashmouth was your favorite song- You chanted every single word out, and you loved Shrek.

You also loved “I’m Blue” by Eiffel 65 – da ba dee da ba daa / Da ba dee da ba daa, da ba dee da ba daa, da ba dee da ba daa  (Shoot me now! How annoying, right?)  I’m betting you’ll scroll right past this whacked out music video because you don’t want to hear these horrendous ‘repeating’ lyrics.  It’s the type of song that stays in your brain for eternity. Go ahead. I dare you to listen to it. 🙂

Our taste in music has definitely changed over the years (thank gosh) but we still enjoy a wide variety of music together. We liked listening to Coldplay.  Remember ‘Clocks?’  Youuuuu….. Areeeeee…….

We both want to be the ‘deejay’ in the car.  I convince you to listen to new songs that I like, and then you’d do the same.  I pity the fools who ride in a car with us together.

I’ve always been protective over you. I think I’ve proven that. The saying is true: “You can pick on me but don’t you DARE pick on my kid.” I will turn into an ugly Satan creature if you mistreat my child. Haha.

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I took you to the Poconos for a vacation once.  We went because I heard nearby “Dinosaur Land” was a neat place to visit, and I thought you’d love that.  Hah! What a joke that place was.  Just a bunch of fake dinosaurs in a stupid park, and that was it.  Well, of course the dinosaurs were ‘fake.’  LOL!

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We went to Orlando when you were seven years old.  I don’t know how I did it on the salary I was earning at that time but I somehow pulled it off.  I bargain-shopped every theme park ticket price, hotel, and I wore a backpack with a built-in cooler filled with our many snacks and drinks.  We went to Disney World, MGM Studios, Sea World, and Medieval Times dinner theater. The full version of this video is at the end of this blog (you petting the dolphins, Shamu, etc.)

Yup. I just went there.  I included a photo of you eagerly awaiting Mickey Mouse’s signature.  You look pretty pumped up about it too.  I’m just sayin’

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Christmastime in our townhouse. You were so excited!  This was the first home I purchased on my own and I was very proud of myself.  We had a wonderful Christmas and I loved having you wake up with me to open Santa’s many presents. (Full video of Christmas morning is available at the end of this blog)

PETS: Oh my goodness, the pets we’ve gone through. LOL.

We had two hamsters when we lived in the condo. They ended up having about 15 babies together. What a disaster that was. I separated the father from his babies because he kept trying to eat them. Gross!  We were mortified. Then the father hamster escaped from his cage and we couldn’t find him anywhere in the apartment. The next morning we spotted him jumping off the third floor balcony as if he were trying to commit suicide. We ran downstairs attempting to rescue him. Nope. He ran. He was “The one that got away.” God only knows what happened to that little guy. We gave the mommy and babies to the pet store, and I think we both felt good about that decision.

The gecko from HELL – What was his name? I think it was ‘Little Dude.’ He was a mean, violent little creature. You tried to have fun with him but he’d always bite you and hurt your feelings. One time he bit you so hard that it drew blood and you cried, so I sold him to a nice lady. Buh-bye little monster!

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The Chihuahua named Marshmellow. Thank gosh for Ms. Debbie. That dog tried to die from the moment we brought him home. I don’t know why he had so many health issues – one seizure after another. If not for Ms. Debbie nurturing him around the clock he would not have survived. Luckily he grew to be an old, happy little fellow (renamed Cuppy) with her and her other doggies.

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How about the dog you convinced me to buy for $25 at the Farmer’s Market… Ummm…. Yea….. Confession time: I’m sorry I lied when I told you he ran away.  I actually gave him to a really nice lady during the week you were with your dad and Bitsy.  I couldn’t help it.  That dog was cray-cray.

The goldfish – I saved a voicemail from you in 2011 because I thought it was hilarious. You and Leo went to the county fair when a huge thunderstorm struck.  You were determined to get that goldfish home safely even if it involved you and Leo drowning in a thunderstorm. LMAO.  You succeeded.  The goldfish died a few weeks later.

We finally lucked out with the yorkies – Daisey-Mae & Rudy. They’ve had a total of 12 puppies together. They’re 13 years old now, and we’ve been blessed to have them a part of our family.

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I’d also like to mention the dogs you grew up with at your dad and Bitsy’s house.  Jackie-girl and Jake. You loved them a lot and you took it very hard when they died.

I feel guilt ridden for some of the challenges you went through as a child.  I wish I could take those few years back and redo them but I can’t.  Just know that I love you with all my heart.

We went rollerskating several times and you were naturally good at it… And your mom was a pro.  I won a speed skating competition that night and you loved bragging about it.  “Yep! That’s my mom that just kicked your 14-year-old ass!”  Haha! By the way, that flaming shirt was your favorite. You wore it often.

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We used to sit next to each other on the couch all the time with our laptops sharing funny YouTube clips with each other. We thought Dane Cook was soooo funny.  Remember when I took you to see him in concert in DC?  🙂  Good times!

The shopping plaza played a big part of your tween/teen years. You loved hanging out with your friends, skateboarding to the store for snacks/drinks.

Do you remember that time you and your friends came home with those mannequins you pulled out of the dumpsters? We had a “mannequin’s ass” in our living room for months. That was so funny!!!  I believe you nicknamed the torso “Shelby.” LMAO.  I can barely type this out without laughing.  Yep!  That’s My Boy Right There!

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One time you came home laughing because you and friends noticed a to-go bag hanging outside the door of the Chinese restaurant after they had closed for the night. No one came for the bag so you and your friends decided to eat whatever was in the bag. HAHA. Those egg-rolls were delicious, you said!

I remember our many trips to the mall and our time spent in Hot Topic (our favorite store back then). We laughed so much in that store.  We bought funny t-shirts and always had a fun time. You were into the ‘skater’ era by then, and you were absolutely adorable.

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Here we are dancing on the Ocean City boardwalk as a violinist played My Heart Will Go On. The original sound in this video wasn’t very clear so I changed the music up.

I had no clue what a sand crab was until this moment (below).  You and Ricky had such a fun time in Ocean City that week.

I taught you all about the 80s through music and old movies so when it came time to watch Kickin’ It Old Skool, you understood all the humor. We laughed our butts off watching that movie with Lori and Sam!

I surprised you with concert tickets to see your favorite band back then, My Chemical Romance. You, Zach, and Jeremy were thrilled! You guys stood on top of the chairs screaming out every word to every song.  It was great!

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I have to admit, I like this song too!  Welcome to the Black Parade:

Heck, we took, and still take, selfies together all over the place.  Below I see we’re in the movie theater, at a relative’s house, on the porch, and in the kitchen modeling our new winter hats for our New York City trip.

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I took you out of school early when any of the Twilight Series movies premiered at the theater to avoid the huge crowds. Now THAT’S great parenting!

Remember our 1 a.m. McDonald’s run in New York Times Square?!  Yea…. We were totally freaked out by all the weirdos on the street. We hung out in the restaurant until that creepy guy stopped stalking us, then we RAN LIKE HELL back to our hotel.

The next day we ice skated together at Rockefeller Plaza.

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You and I have rolled all over the place together: Poconos, PA; Orlando, FL; Ocean City, MD many times; Washington, DC; Baltimore, MD; Rehoboth, DE; Winchester, VA; Myrtle Beach, SC; New York, NY; Key West, FL; The Bahamas; … and another trip soon to come.

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Remember your first time parasailing in Key West?  We were like free birds soaring in the sky… not a care in the world….

To see you graduate high school with Straight A’s made me so proud. I knew you could do it. Your dad and I always had faith in you.  You had the highest class average in your residential wiring program too. Yep!  That’s my boy! You look like your dad in your graduation photos.

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Look at you now… a kind and caring  adult who treats others with respect. You’re enjoying your life and having fun.  That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you — to be happy.

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I love how goofy we are together.  Here we are at Panera Bread in 2016, on Snap Chat, laughing hysterically with no regard for how loud we were being in the restaurant.  TOTAL CLASS ACT.  The funny part is that strangers were laughing at us because we were cracking up so bad in our booth.  What can I say?  We’re just f’ing hilarious even when we’re not trying to be.  I make one hell of a beautiful George Washington.  That’s all I have to say about that.

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I’m proud of how smart you are, and your willingness to learn new things about cars/engines all the time.  You never cease to amaze me.

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Through every stage in your life you’ve never made me feel like I didn’t matter to you as a mom. I know some parents go through hard times, and I’ve been fortunate in that you’ve always made me feel valued and loved.

You’re a blessing from God and I treasure every moment I spend with you.

I love you with all my heart! ❤

Your Biggest Fan,

Mom

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Full Length Video of Sea World Orlando….  Apparently I was obsessed with Sea World’s map.  I’m betting we NEVER got lost in that theme park.  HAHA.

Full Length Video of Christmas Morning, 2002:

Author: melissaannsite

I'm a 40-something year old woman who has lived a life of adventure so far. I'm an ENFP Virgo with no judgment in my heart on others. Everyone is entitled to live their life as they wish, but I still enjoy the humor that life has to offer... and the memories.

1 thought on “A Mother’s Love Is Forever”

  1. I love you guys! What a sweet walk down memory lane.
    Remember when Max killed the bowl full of fish with dish soap? He would feel so bad if I told him.

    Like

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