You know these people. They look just like we do. They eat the same foods we eat, wear the same apparels we wear, and sleep under the same sky we sleep under—you could even be sleeping next to one of these hell-raisers and not even know it. You’ve seen these individuals in action, working their wicked, magnetic brand of charm and humor. They function mainly unobserved —until they don’t, at which point it’s probably too late because they’ve already claimed your trust and livelihood. We’re talking about sociopaths, those human beings who move through life controlling you through their manipulation and deceitfulness.
Perhaps you’re wondering how to prevent yourself from falling prey to the dangerous games sociopaths play. Not all sociopaths are serial killers roaming the streets in search of their next victim. They’re actually more common than you may think. It’s been suggested that one in 25 people are sociopaths. A high-functioning sociopath could be spreading mayhem and misery in your life disguised as a parent, child, partner, family, friend, or coworker. I have some crazy personal stories to share but we’ll get to that a little later in this blog.
Sociopaths fear two things: (1) Losing control. (2) Being Exposed.
First, let’s talk about when it usually all begins – Childhood. If the sociopath is a child or teenager the signs are more difficult to recognize because it’s not ‘all or none’ when it comes to them. Most young people who demonstrate sociopathy tendencies can at times be considerate, caring, and sensible. However, many display a lack of concern for the rights and feelings of others and are inconsistent in their behavioral patterns. It’s confusing for parents because often times their children will display a mix of strengths and weaknesses like every other child.
SOCIOPATHY SIGNS IN CHILDREN:
- Indifference to consequences
One of the revealing signs of sociopathy, Psychology Today says, is an indifference to looming consequences. Sociopaths do not fully grasp the potential consequences of their risk-taking. A sociopath doesn’t register consequences as a negative effect, which could lead to poor choices with potentially grim results.
- Lack of empathy
Children with sociopath tendencies have an Inability to feel empathy for others or to understand the emotional consequences of their actions. There’s little compassion or sense of loyalty to others, particularly their siblings or friends.
- Frequent Lying without guilt
It’s not the lying itself that may raise early suspicion of sociopathy; it’s the fact a child can do so without considering ramifications. Most kids will look guilty when caught in an ugly lie, because they know it’s something they shouldn’t be doing and their parents won’t be happy with them. Kids with sociopathic tendencies, though, are unremorseful.
SOCIOPATHY IN TEENS:
According to Psychology Today, the hallmark of teen (male and female) sociopathy is the inability to maintain close and consistently harmonious relationships and to feel accountable and remorseful when he/she does something that hurts another’s feelings. This chronic disorder can be a result of interactions between genetics and environment, according to Mayo Clinic. Sociopathy cannot be officially diagnosed until a teenager has reached the age of 18, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics, but the indications are typically present before the age of 15.
The biggest sign of sociopathy in teens is a lack of empathy. Other symptoms include persistent lying, manipulating others with charm for personal gain or desire, irritability, impulsiveness, promiscuity, and possibly aggression. A sociopath typically shows no remorse for hurting other people, even those they claim to love. They may suffer from periods of depression and anxiety and problems in school. Sociopath teens often have relationship difficulties, both within their families and with friends.
According to Psych Central, lying behaviors in teens may include lying about others (even their parents), or changing bits and pieces of a story to make part of it true and the other part a lie. Also, teens who calculate and manipulate in order to harm others are often the most frightening. Why? Because they are cloaked with the innocence of their youth and are often given the benefit of the doubt by adults. Who would want to see their own child or adolescent as one with evil intent?
SOCIOPATHY IN ADULTS:
THE MOTHERSHIP HAS LANDED. Don’t walk. RUN! Nothing good can come from having a seasoned sociopath in your life, and especially not a romantic relationship. They con their victims into believing they’re kindhearted and have their loved one’s best interest at heart but they are only exemplifying a front. Whoever they are trying to portray doesn’t actually exist.
Deep down, these people are cold-hearted, and they completely lack the full range of human emotion. The only person they care about is themselves. People in their lives are seen as possible targets for their own self-centered, deviant needs.
I married a sociopath but I didn’t recognize the signs until it was too late. He won me over with his good looks, witty charm and sense of humor. Little did I know I was being swept under the influence of a charismatic nut-job. He had mastered the “mind-f**k” game and enjoyed every minute of it. He tried making ME believe I was the insane one. I remember thinking, “Am I crazy? And how would I know if I’m crazy because do crazy people actually KNOW they’re crazy?” As wacky as that statement may sound, that is how a sociopath manipulates their partner’s mind. My ex was verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive, and he put on a total façade to the public. We went away for a long weekend once and upon arriving at the hotel the clerk greeted us a “Dr. and Mrs. _____.” Baffled but humored, I chuckled about it with my husband as we entered the elevator assuming she had mixed us up with another couple. After all, he was an engineer and nowhere involved in the medical profession. Ummm, no. My ex had actually booked our hotel stay as “Dr. and Mrs. _____.” He thought it’d be funny. Who does that??
No matter how deteriorated my life had become with my ex, I always hid my pain well by keeping a smile on my face. I was too humiliated to let others know the pain I was feeling, and too afraid to walk away. Few people knew the horrifying details of my relationship, and the ‘secrets’ of the dark soul I had married.
He lied about his debt, career history, and why previous relationships had ended. He claimed to have a Bachelor’s degree but he didn’t. No employer asked for proof so he just never got caught. One company fired him yet he pretended to still be employed by getting up and ready for work every morning. He left our home before me and returned after I got home from work, still dressed in his business attire. It was all an act. He had actually been unemployed for three weeks before I found out. I had called his office phone vice his cell and a coworker answered.
He used to log into online chat rooms just to cause turmoil with random people. He’d ‘private message’ total strangers telling them lies about their partners because he thought it was funny. A con-artist, he thrived on the chaos and the gloom of others.
I had no idea how he was able to get under my skin like a flesh eating bacteria and stir up so much damage in my life in such a short amount of time. Fear prevented me from leaving sooner but finally after four years of pure hell, I left him. Rock bottom literally became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life. It’s better to have loved and lost than to spend the rest of your life with a sociopath, believe me.
To read my blog about my abusive marriage to a high-functioning sociopath, click here:
FEMALES OF ALL AGES CAN BE SOCIOPATHS.
Females fall under the same warning signs as males but with an added twist.
(As described on website softpanorama.org) Dr. Martha Stout, in her book ‘The Sociopath Next Door’, discusses the techniques of the sociopath — what she refers to as ‘the tools of the trade’. Among the most typical we can mention the following:
- Charming the victim. Dr. Stout believes it is a primary characteristic of a woman sociopath. Truly talented ones have polished their ability to charm people into an art, priding themselves on their ability to present a fictional self to others that is convincing, taken at face value, and difficult to penetrate. One must always keep in mind that the charm, like manipulation in general, can be very subtle.
- Provocative (or seductive) behavior; early and repeated attempts to breach the personal distance while not being acquainted for a long time.
- Attention-seeking behavior, especially efficient when it comes along with physical beauty. Physical beauty is the trait that makes female sociopaths so dangerous, as it disarms people.
- Influence others and adapts to them seamlessly.
- Make-up, hair style, clothing, perfume, the whole physical appearance are well thought out.
- Exaggerated emotions; theatrical behaviors.
- Gaslighting. A common practice of abusers who attempt to convince their victims they are defective for any reason such as making the victim more emotional, more needy or dependent. For example, if an abusive person says hurtful things to you to cause your distress and then tries to convince you that you are mentally unstable and starts recommending that you get professional help, you might be in the presence of a gaslighter.
- Projection. Sociopaths refuse to be held accountable for their behavior.
- The pity play. It’s okay to pity someone who has gone through difficult times, but if you find yourself feeling sorry for someone’s sad story, make sure the story is true. The pity play should be a warning sign to all of us as this is a very typical tool for female sociopaths.
- The entrapment of the victim. Often the entrapment of the victim goes in several, overlapping phases:
- Assessment. During the assessment phase, the sociopath is able to determine a potential victim’s weak points
- Manipulation. Once the sociopath has identified weaknesses of the victim, the manipulation phase begins. During this phase, a sociopath may create a persona or mask. A sociopath’s lack of empathy and guilt allows them to lie with ease. They are usually compulsive liars, actors who all their life are wearing some kind of fake personality.
- Seduction. They use the same techniques as male sexual predators trying to condition the victim by shaking their moral norms and convictions.
- Blaming the victim. They never accept responsibility for anything bad that happened. It is always somebody else’s fault.
- Constant lying and perfect mimicry to the expectation of the victim. Female sociopaths lie and wear a fake persona to gain the trust of their victim. They are usually compulsive liars and perfect cheaters.
QUICK CHECKLIST: Know Some of the Big Signs
- Superficial Charm
Sociopaths often appear to be very charming on the surface in order to create a facade. They are very aware of the effect their charm or wit may have on others, as their pretense of likability allows them easily gain people’s trust.
Sociopaths are extremely egocentric, believing that they’re always right and that everyone should agree with their actions and opinions.
- Pathological Lying
Sociopaths have no problem lying easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a steady basis. They’ll lie, and lie, and lie some more in order to create a false façade. Lying comes naturally to them, because they aim to hide their true motives.
- Manipulative and Cunning
Sociopaths never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors as acceptable. They appear to be charming. Don’t be fooled.
- Shallow Emotions
Sociopaths do not genuinely feel emotions. When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion it is artificial and serves an ulterior motive. They’re unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person.
- Lack of Remorse, Shame, or Guilt
Sociopaths are infamous for being devoid of these three emotions. They do not feel bad about their actions, even if these actions hurt others.
- Incapable Of Human Attachment
Sociopaths are unable to form genuine relationships with others. They will usually struggle to make friends or maintain romantic relationships.
- Constant Need for Stimulation
Sociopaths suffer from boredom easily, and they need constant stimulation in their lives. This desire is related to their natural need for self-gratification. Their need for stimulation can cause to them to take needless risks that put themselves and others in unsafe situations. Promiscuity and gambling are common.
- Lack of Empathy
They are incapable of empathizing with others. For example, if someone told you a depressing story about a family member dying, you would feel sympathetic to their grief and pain. A sociopath, on the other hand, would feel nothing. In fact, lack of empathy shown by children could be an indicator of their later onset of sociopathy.
- Poor Self Control / Impulsive Nature
Sociopaths will exhibit very short tempers, as well as hostility, irritability, and aggression. They’ll act on their impulses without thinking or caring about any potential consequences. They may behave violently or impulsively, and also may have problems with drug and alcohol use. These characteristics typically make people with antisocial personality disorder unable to fulfill responsibilities related to family, work or school.
- Promiscuous Sexual Behavior / Disloyalty
Sociopaths are likely to be unfaithful and promiscuous, which is connected to their tendency to get bored easily. As mentioned earlier, they need continuous stimulation.
Sociopaths aren’t bothered by wrecking others’ lives and dreams. They’re unaware or unconcerned to the devastation they cause. They don’t accept blame on themselves, but blames others, even for acts they’re obviously responsible for.
Differences between Sociopaths and Psychopaths
There is little agreed difference between sociopathy and psychopathy, but some psychologists agree that psychopaths are more calculating and measured in their actions. The psychopath will be more likely to construct a complex scheme or plan and to carry it out, whereas the sociopath is more driven by impulsivity. This makes the psychopath more likely to commit crimes and generally the term psychopath is used more generally to describe the criminally insane rather than just the lack of empathy.
Can A Sociopath be Cured?
It’s complicated due to the variety of ways in which the disorder exhibits in each person afflicted with it.
“Though antisocial personality disorder is difficult to treat, for some people, treatment and close follow-up over the long term may be beneficial,’’ according to the Mayo Clinic. “Look for medical and mental health professionals with experience in treating antisocial personality disorder.”
TAKE THE SOCIOPATH QUIZ! (Click link below)